With my son starting school this month, bullying has been on my mind.
Granted, he’s only in kindergarten, so I’m hoping I don’t really have to think about it for awhile. Nonetheless, I want to be prepared.
A couple of weeks ago, I went to the Better Together Conference put on by The MOM Initiative. (I even got to share my story there in a workshop called When God Feels Distant). At that conference, I went to a workshop on bullying led by Lori Wildenberg. I’m excited to share some of the things I learned with you today!
How to Bullyproof Your Child:
1. Train them ahead of time.
Teach your kiddos confidence. Help them learn to look people in the eye when they are talking to them. Teach them to stand up straight, walk with their heads held high, and not be afraid to walk away from someone who is hurting them. Teach them to not look like a victim. Remind them who they are in God’s eyes. Help build their confidence from the inside-out.
Also teach them what to do if they see another person being bullied. Use the acronym HI (from Sandy Austin’s BIONIC program). H=Get Help I=Initiate with the child who was bullied.
There’s a big difference between tattling on someone and telling the teacher about a problem when someone is in danger. To help your kids understand the difference, explain it this way:
- Telling=to get someone out of trouble
- Tattling=to get someone in trouble
When your child tells a teacher about a bully, they are getting the bullied individual OUT of trouble. Getting someone OUT of trouble is always the right thing to do.
2. Watch for signs of bullying.
Watch for the following signs that might suggest your child is being bullied:
- withdrawn or aggressive
- pretending to be sick every day
- changes in eating habits or academics
- personality changes
If you see any of the above signs, ask your child some general questions about her classroom at school. (Is there anyone who is mean to other kids? What does the teacher do? What do the other kids do? etc.) Then, give an example from when you were growing up. (Ya know, when I was about your age, there was one girl who always made fun of me…) This will hopefully open the door for your child to tell you if she is being bullied. If not, consider asking her, “Has this person ever been mean to you?”
3. Protect your child.
If you discover your child is being bullied, be his advocate. With younger children, you are the one who needs to step in and make sure the bullying is addressed. If your child is older, though (a tween or teen), allow him to choose how you will proceed (i.e. does he want you to talk to someone or does he want to talk to the bully or the teacher himself?) Inaction is not an option! If he decides to address the issue himself, guide him in what to do. (Also, give him a deadline of when he needs to do it.)
Here is one thing your child could say to a bully: “You’re making fun of me, and I don’t like it. You have the power to stop, so stop.” Then teach him to walk away.
If the bullying is online, you might need to take additional action (make copies of the online bullying screenshots, block the individual, report the abuse to the server, avoid media altogether for awhile, etc.)
Bullying is a very real threat to our kids today…BUT, we don’t have to just sit back and let it happen. Let’s arm ourselves (and our children) with information about what to do when it happens at their schools.
Let’s talk: Has your child ever been bullied? If so, how did you find out? What did you do when you found out?
For more information, check out www.1Corinthians13Parenting.com. There’s some great parenting info there (and, there’s a brand new book out you might be interested in too. It’s called Raising Little Kids with Big Love. Lori and her friend Becky Danielson wrote this book.)
*Note: Bullying is a serious issue, and not one that can be sufficiently covered in one blog post. Please do your research and get your child help if he/she is being bullied.
*Photo Courtesy: Freedigitalphotos.net/Prawny
