Do you have compliance battles with your kids very often? If so, keep reading because maybe you too will appreciate this new perspective….

I’ve heard the phrase “connection before correction” many times before. 

But last week, I heard another phrase that I think might be even more powerful.

“Connection over compliance.”

Meaning, of course, that it’s much more important to connect with your kids than to get them to comply.

If you’ve been following me for very long, you probably already know I have a strong-willed child. You might also know that I’m a bit strong-willed myself.

So, as you can imagine, compliance battles are unfortunately pretty common in my home.

I don’t know why I feel like my kids need to comply…

Maybe because our culture tells us that “successful parents” have children who obey.

“Successful parents” have children who do as they are told.

“Successful parents” don’t have kids who talk back or argue or flat out refuse to do things.

But as my kids have gotten older, I think my perspective has begun to change. 

Successful parenting – to me anyway – doesn’t mean my kids don’t argue or always obey or never talk back.

Successful parenting – in fact –  has nothing to do with what my kids do or don’t do. 

Instead, successful parenting is all about MY ACTIONS as the parent.

Do I remain an anchor for them, no matter what feelings or emotions they have?

Am I their safe place?

Do they know that no matter what, I’m there for them? That they can come to me with anything? That I love them always?

For far too long, I have gauged my own success or failure as a parent based off of their actions. But that’s really not fair to them. Or me.

I think that’s why I loved this phrase so much.

Connection > compliance

Because yes, that’s what I want now. (Of course, compliance would be nice too.)

But connection…that’s the end goal.