All this month, I’ve been writing about miscarriages. For some reason, our miscarriages were often around holidays. This made the holidays especially difficult, so I wanted to share a post about how to deal with grief over the holidays.

One time, we found out I was pregnant right around Christmas. Then I miscarried on New Year’s Day. Nothing like a miscarriage to start the year off, right?

Another time, I miscarried four days before Thanksgiving. Needless to say, I didn’t feel super thankful that year.

Holidays are hard when you’re grieving.

If you’re in a similar spot this year, here are a few things that might help you deal with grief over the holidays:

How to Deal with Grief over the Holidays:

1. Give Yourself a Break.

Don’t expect to be all smiles this year. It’s okay if you’re not.

Don’t worry so much about what other people think, and allow yourself a chance to grieve.

Cut yourself some slack this year. It does get easier.

2. Give Yourself Permission to Have Fun (or not).

On the one hand, if you’re having a good time, don’t feel guilty about it. One thing I had to tell myself over and over again was this: your happiness doesn’t mean you love your baby any less. It’s okay to smile every now and then 🙂

On the other hand, if you’re struggling to smile, that’s okay too. Don’t be so hard on yourself, especially the first year.

3. Give Yourself an Out. 

Prepare ahead of time what you will do if you get upset at a family gathering.

Are you comfortable crying in front of people, or would you rather head to the restroom? Should you skip out on some of the family gatherings this year?

4. Go with Someone.

Don’t do it alone. If you can go to family gathering with someone who “gets you,” that can be very helpful.

5. Do Something Special to Remember The One You Lost.

Our first Christmas after losing a baby, we bought Christmas ornaments in memory of him or her. Sure, I cried. But it also helped me grieve. We now hang these ornaments each year in remembrance of the babies we lost.

6. Get Out of the House (or stay in).

Are you overly depressed when you’re at home alone? Then stay busy. Or does it depress you to be around family? Then stay in.

Do whatever works for you this year. You’ll have plenty of future holidays to do the opposite.

What else would you add to this list? 

*I originally wrote this post in 2011, but have updated it here.