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 When my first child was eight weeks old, he began to lose weight.

Up to this point, I refused to stop nursing. I knew we would get it eventually, and I refused to fail. Not at this. Not when my child’s health was riding on it.

I had (mistakenly) bought into the lie that all good mothers breastfeed. 

Because nursing is “natural,” I assumed I would pick it up easily. I planned to nurse for at least 9 months (if not longer) with each of my children. Of course, I knew it might hurt at first. But everyone told me, “If you make it through the first eight weeks, it’ll get easier.”

Unfortunately, for us, it didn’t. At eight weeks, it wasn’t getting easier, and my child was clearly not getting enough milk. He was losing weight, and (despite numerous visits to a lactation consultant), nursing was not working. It was actually becoming more difficult. (Come to find out, my poor baby was clamping down instead of sucking, and the pain hindered my milk let down.)

Maybe your story is similar.

You assumed your baby would latch on perfectly. You assumed you would make enough milk. You assumed your other children would give you the time necessary to nurse. You assumed it wouldn’t hurt.   You assumed it would be a wonderful bonding experience between you and your child.

Whatever your assumptions, you’re now realizing they were wrong.

And nursing is not working for your family anymore.

I know way too many mothers who beat themselves up because they couldn’t or wouldn’t breastfeed.

They blame themselves for any of their child’s health concerns (although in our family, our healthiest child is the one who never once breastfed). They might even blame themselves if their child doesn’t excel in school.

Here’s the truth, something that took me about a year to finally accept: Many good mothers (scratch that… many great mothers) formula-fed their children. 

Whether or not you choose to breastfeed does not determine your status as a mother.

So if you want to stop nursing and that it is the best decision for your family, then stop. And don’t feel guilty about it.

You are still a great mother, because you are still feeding your child, meeting his or her needs, and loving him.

Of course, we all know that in a perfect world, breast is best.

But is nursing best…if it causes you to cry out in pain and feel anger toward your baby?
Is nursing best…if you’re getting so little sleep that you fight with your husband constantly?
Is nursing best…if you’re unable to take the medicine you need to function?
Is nursing best…if it causes you to be an angry or depressed woman?

There is only one person who can decide if nursing is best for your family. 

And that person is you. (Well, you and your spouse…)

If you are one of the lucky women whom nursing comes naturally, be thankful for that gift. Because, believe me, it is a gift.

And if you’re not…if (like me) you aren’t able to successfully nurse your child, then hold your head up high regardless of your decision.

The way in which you feed your child does not determine your success or failure as a mother. 

Let’s talk: Why do you think breastfeeding is such a sensitive topic with mothers? 

This is the fourth post in my new series called Dear Mom. Read the rest of the series by clicking on the links below:
Dear Mother of Boys
Dear Working Mom