Do you ever struggle with pain that no one sees? Do you ever find yourself longing more for healing than for a relationship with the Healer? I’m honored to have another guest here today, sharing her story of “invisible illness” and finding hope even when God hasn’t healed her pain. I know you will be blessed by her story. Here’s Melinda.
Learning to Seek the Healer MORE Than the Healing
I look like the picture of health.
Looks can be deceiving.
For 20 years, I have been fighting an unseen battle with chronic illness and the debilitating bouts of anxiety and depression that often accompany it.
The birth of my first child — one of the greatest days of my life — was also an event that marked a pronounced shift in my health. As one doctor put it, the trauma of childbirth “flipped a switch” in my body.
Autoimmune disease — a condition where the body basically attacks itself — first showed up in the form of interstitial cystitis, a painful, debilitating chronic inflammation of the bladder lining. Over the years, I have also developed migraines, chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia, hypothyroidism and chronic lower back pain.
After going to doctor to doctor to doctor, I have found little relief. The endless cycle of getting my hopes up, feeling deceived and disappointed– and in some cases worse off than when I started — has left deep emotional wounds too.
This journey has affected every part of my life — my marriage, children and friendships. It has shaken my security. It has robbed my joy. It has sapped every ounce of my strength.
Honestly, it has challenged my trust in a compassionate and loving God that is truly working for my good.
I have wrestled with Him. Cried angry tears. Given Him the silent treatment. Here’s what I’ve found: God is not afraid of our questions. He isn’t surprised or appalled by our frustrated, tear-soaked temper tantrums. He just wants us to come to Him. I’ve learned to cling to the truth of His faithfulness over the roller coaster of my emotions.
For years, I have looked for an outcome. Relief from my pain. I wanted healing. Period. I still do. But I’ve learned that healing can look very different that what we imagine. Healing can come through telling our story. It can materialize as God meets us and reveals Himself in the middle of it.
This isn’t the path I would have chosen for myself. But here is what I have learned: Pain leads us to a deeper walk with God if we are open — to gifts that we would never have received without our pain. Other people receive gifts they wouldn’t have received without our pain.
Do I still want the body to be healed? Yes (you should see how fast I typed that!) But it’s no longer my primary focus. Instead of seeking an outcome, I’m seeking Him. As I have, I’ve found that healing, joy, peace and freedom are possible — even if it doesn’t look like what I envisioned.
I’m telling my story after years of staying silent. Because every time I do, I have women tell me it changes their perspective, brings them hope and encourages them to search for Jesus and cling to Him more tightly.
Your wounds may be hidden from the world, sweet friend. But there is a loving God who sees you.
For I have satiated the weary soul, and I have replenished every sorrowful soul. Jeremiah 31:25
About Melinda Means:
Melinda is an author, speaker and life coach who is learning to cling to the faithfulness of God rather that the folly of our emotions.
She blogs at melindameans.com and is the Women’s Director at her church.
She is the co-author of Mothering From Scratch, Finding the Best Parenting Style for You and Your Family.
*Wondering what this whole series is about? It’s all about how God can help us learn to live UNBEATEN lives. Coming Soon: Unbeaten by Lindsey Bell
