In 2010, my husband and I began walking a road we never wanted to walk: that of secondary infertility. If you’re not familiar with this term, it’s infertility that occurs after having one or more successful pregnancies. We lost one baby…then another…then another.
By August of 2011, after losing 3 babies in a span of less than a year, I was wrecked. Depressed. Feeling very abandoned by God and dry spiritually. I was still going through the motions of my life and my faith…but prayer was hard. I hadn’t stopped praying, but definitely wasn’t active either.
Deep down, I wondered, Why pray if God’s not listening?
Then, late one evening in September, my mom called and asked if we could Skype with her. My first thought (probably because of the dark place I was already in) was, “Oh no. Someone must have died or gotten into a wreck or lost a job.”
All of these negative scenarios started going through my mind.
I was not at all prepared for what happened next.
My Story: Part 5 (the one where God surprised us with a baby)
My mom wanted to Skype with us that evening – not because something bad happened- but because someone had asked her to ask us if we would be willing to adopt a baby that was due in three months.
Keep in mind, we weren’t looking to adopt. We were still reeling from our miscarriages. We didn’t even know HOW to adopt.
What did we even need to do to be able to adopt a child? What if the bio parents change their minds? What if we lose another baby? What if we take him or her home and the adoption falls through?
There were so many questions. And so many fears. And yet, a tiny bit of hope too.
Maybe God hadn’t abandoned me after all.
Maybe God was still listening to my prayers.
Before we hung up the phone with my mom that night, we told her – tentatively- yes. Let’s move forward with this.
The weeks after that phone call went so fast with legal advice, home studies, hiring attorneys, adoption laws, and baby room preparations. In October (just one month after that phone call), we went to court to get papers so that we could have custody at birth.
Then, in November, we got a phone call.
The birthmom was in labor.
We drove to the hospital and, several hours later, I cut the umbilical cord of our son. The next day, we went home from the hospital, carrying the baby we didn’t think we would ever receive. God gave us a baby. And we found out later that the reason she considered us was because of our miscarriages.
The one thing that broke me to my core was also the one thing God used to bring us a child.
I learned so many things through this adoption.
What I Learned from Our Adoption Story:
One huge thing I learned is that God doesn’t stop listening to us.
Our circumstances might make it seem like God doesn’t care anymore. It’s easy to feel abandoned by Him when life falls apart and it feels like your prayers are hitting the ceiling.
But the truth is, God is still there with us.
At a time when I thought God no longer cared about me, he was working in the life of a teen girl, leading her to choose adoption for her son.
Another thing I learned is that God will give us what we need to do what he wants us to do.
In those weeks after we said yes, there were many times we wondered if we should keep moving forward. I was so afraid. So very afraid. I didn’t want to fall in love with this child and then lose him.
God gave me what I needed to keep moving forward.
I remember when we met the birthmom for the first time. She asked us at one point what names we were thinking about. I told her two of them. When I said the names, tears filled her eyes because when she first found out she was pregnant, she had chosen one of these names herself.
We had – remarkably – chosen the same name she had originally picked for our son.
This was the confirmation I needed. God knew I needed something to help me through the tough and scary moments, so he gave us this as confirmation.
Another way he provided this for me was by letting me know that two separate families – unbeknownst to each other – had recommended our family to this birthmom.
I don’t know where you’re at today…what storm you might be facing…how you might be feeling. But I share our story because I want you to know that God won’t ever abandon you. Even if it feels like He has, He hasn’t.
And He never will.
When I thought God was far from me, He was working behind the scenes, making our adoption happen. Even when I stopped praying, He kept working.
So please, my friend, don’t give up on Him. He’s still here. He still cares.
I wish I could say our infertility story ended here. That God gave us a baby and then the rest of our life was the “happily ever after” I dreamed about. But honestly, that’s not reality. There were many tough moments in our future…More of that is coming in my next post, so stay tuned.
If you missed the previous posts in this series, you can click through them below:
