One of the biggest reasons people become discouraged in their marriages is because they have the wrong goal in mind. The goal of marriage is unfortunately not what most of us assume.

Most of us get married primarily because of selfish reasons. If we were being completely honest, we would admit that the main reason we said “I do” was because we assumed the person standing with us at the front of that church would make us happy.

We inadvertently, maybe even unconsciously, made happiness our end goal.

If we’re happy, then we assume our marriage is successful. If we’re unhappy, we assume our marriage is failing.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with marrying someone because you think they’ll make you happy.

Unless, of course, your spouse can’t do it anymore.

Then you have a problem on your hands.

At this point, when the person you thought would always make you smile stops doing so, you have a decision to make: stick it out anyway or get a divorce and find someone else who will make you happy?

Maybe that’s why the divorce rate is so high in our country. We’re constantly running after the next person whom we think will make us happy.

What many of us failed to realize when we got married (myself included) is that no one can ever make us happy all of the time.

All of us are human. We fail at times. Your spouse (if he or she hasn’t already) is going to let you down.

And that other person whom you think will make you happy…he’ll let you down too. It is impossible for any human being to fill your happiness tank one hundred percent of the time.

The goal of marriage, then, shouldn’t be happiness.

(For that matter, the goal of your life shouldn’t be happiness either. If it is, you’re going to be disappointed.)

Our marriages would get a lot better if we stopped making happiness our goal….if instead of seeking happiness, we started seeking holiness.

That would be a goal worth pursuing.

Because here’s the deal.

Happiness is fleeting. It’s based on circumstances and feelings.

Holiness, though, is based on character. It’s a part of who you are.

Your happiness might come and go with the attitude of your spouse, but no one can take your holiness away from you.

This week, as you interact with your spouse, I want you to ask yourself, “Am I making happiness my goal?”I know I often do with my husband.

It’s a constant struggle to remind myself that the goal of marriage is not happiness. The goal is holiness. (CLICK TO TWEET)

Join me next week as I kick off a new blog series called “Have a Marriage Like No One Else.” I’ll share new tips each week that will hopefully help strengthen your marriage. 

Let’s talk: What do you think is the goal of most people in their marriages?

CLICK TO TWEET: The goal of a marriage…It might not be what you think.