My husband and I became licensed foster parents a little over a year ago. Since that time, we have had two placements.

I wanted to share a post today about some of the things we have learned about foster care in that time.

Top 5 Lessons I’ve Learned from Our First Two Foster Care Placements:

• There are a lot of really great people working in the foster care system who really do care about kids. 

The foster care system gets a lot of flack sometimes.

Sure, there are some working in the system who are burnt out, some who just do it “for the money” (though really, this is mind-boggling to me because you don’t make hardly anything if you actually take care of the kids in your care), and some who are not in it for the right reasons.

But many people – possibly even most people – who work as foster parents or who work in the system do it because they love kids and want to help.

Every single person I interacted with during both of our placements (from the case workers to the visitation supervisors to the doctors, even the person offering paternity testing) seemed to genuinely love children and want to help them.

There are those who don’t. There are those who give all of us a bad name. But (in my experience, at least) these people are the exception, not the rule.

• Foster care requires flexibility.  

One thing I learned very early on was that things in the foster care system can change at any moment. You might think a baby in your home is going to be there permanently, only to find out the next day that a formerly unknown relative is now an option for placement.

Cases change often. With our second placement, we thought going into it that this particular child would probably be up for adoption. Not even one week after he was placed with us, that changed.

Was it hard? Sure. Was it disappointing? Absolutely.

But it was also a very important lesson for me in flexibility. I struggle with being flexible. Foster care, more than anything else in my life, has forced me to learn to be more flexible.

• If you’re doing it right, it’s going to be hard. 

I’ve had so many people tell me, especially after our second placement didn’t turn out as we had hoped, that they don’t think they could do what I do.

“I don’t think I could take a child into my home and then give them up.”

My answer to this common statement is that yeah, you probably can’t. But God can.

God has carried me through both of our placements as we said goodbye. He has helped me grieve with my children as they cried because they had to say goodbye. He has helped me trust Him to take care of the little ones I no longer get to care for.

If you’re doing foster care as you should and loving those little ones like Jesus would, it’s going to be hard. But that doesn’t mean it’s not worth doing.

It’s hard…but it’s also very, very good.

• It’s a lot harder on them than it is on me. 

Taking children into my home and then saying goodbye to them has been painful. But my pain is nothing compared to theirs.

At least I get to choose if I take a child into my home or not.

They don’t get that luxury.

They have no say if and when they are moved from their home. They have no say in where they go or for how long.

Foster care is hard for foster parents, but it’s a whole lot harder on foster children.

• It’s a good thing. 

It’s not perfect. The system is flawed in many ways. But it’s a good thing that there are people out there who are willing to offer a safe place for kids to go who need a home.

It’s a good thing to love a child who needs a loving hand.

When my husband and I got the call about our second placement, we had only a couple of hours to decide. We were still grieving from our first placement and weren’t sure if we wanted to take another child just yet.

But I couldn’t get James 1:27 out of  my head: “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”

We didn’t know how this particular placement was going to turn out, but we knew we had the power to help. We knew we could take care of this one orphan. So we said yes.

And I’m glad we did.

Even though he didn’t stay with us as long as we had hoped, I know we did a good thing.

Because loving a child is always a good thing.

If you’re a foster parent, what are some of the lessons you have learned? 

*I’d be happy to chat with you if you have any questions about the foster care system. Send me an email or leave a comment here, and I’ll be in touch.