Last week, I shared a post about why we need to stop neglecting friendships. (If you haven’t read it yet, click on over!) But the truth is, sometimes, our friendships aren’t healthy for us to keep. Sometimes, a friendship is more harmful than good.
Here are a few instances when it might be wise to step back from a friendship.
5 Reasons To Walk Away from a Friendship:
1. If your relationship with the Lord is suffering.
This is a hard one, because Jesus never called us to leave the world.
His example teaches us to go to where the lost can be found.
Jesus didn’t surround himself by good religious people all the time. Instead, he went to tax collectors, prostitutes, and sinners.
He didn’t come to the healthy, but to the sick.
In the same way, if you’re always surrounded by people who are just like you, when will you ever have a chance to make a difference for the Lord?
On the other hand, if you’re not strong enough to withstand temptation when you’re with certain friends, it might be better for you to leave the evangelism to someone else.
After all, if your friends can’t see anything different in you, you’re not going to make much of a difference anyway.
2. If your relationship with your family is suffering.
Allow me to be blunt with you for a moment. If you get together with your friends and bash your spouse, it’s not okay.
Women don’t need friends who will fuel their fire. Neither do men. They need friends who will listen, yes, but then offer encouragement. They need friends who will help them become better spouses…not encourage them to divorce or cheat or even just belittle their other half.
So if your friendship makes you like your spouse or your kids less…it’s probably time to pull back from this relationship.
3. If there is any emotional or physical abuse.
If you find yourself in a relationship with anyone (male or female) who doesn’t treat you as the child of God you are, run.
Run fast!
4. If you always leave their presence feeling worse than when you came.
There are some people who are leeches. They take and take and take and never give back. They drain you emotionally and drag you into every single problem they have.
This one isn’t as clear-cut as some of the other ones are, but it’s definitely worth praying about. If you’re not helping them…and they’re not helping you…and both of you are miserable, maybe taking a step back might be a good idea.
5. If you’re doing things or saying things you know you shouldn’t.
Sometimes we have friends that we really enjoy spending time with but need to back away from because of the decisions we make in their company.
Maybe you have a friend that tends to talk about other people a lot. You love spending time with them but also gossip a lot when you’re with them. Or maybe you have a friend who tends to drink too much. Normally, you don’t struggle with this, but for some reason, when you’re with this one person, you do.
If you don’t like the person you become when you’re around someone, choose to be around someone else.
What other situations would cause you to step back from a friendship?
*This post was originally written several years back but has been updated for you today.
I can't say I've ever walked completely away from a friendship but I've learned to put up better boundaries and keep them.Great article for a much needed discussion.
Thanks, Bekki!
That's a really great point, Martha. It really does all come down to trust. And I guess that means we have to trust people, even when we know they might let us down. Tough stuff!
I completely identify with Martha on this one. (Probably why we were friends.) =) Well-said to both of you.
Great post Lindsey. I've left friendships for a couple of these reasons (most often, #4) but that has caused me to be distant and keep people at arms length who try to get to know me or be my friend (reason #5 – a friend who doesn't give you the time). I'm very often guilty of feeling scared to devote time to a friendship for fear of being trampled on again…but the side effect of that is that I then am a terrible friend to someone else. Vicious cycle right? Trust, in any relationship, is key. But how do you trust someone you don't know? And how do you get to know someone if you don't trust they won't take advantage of you or make you feel bad?