Have you ever wished God would use someone else? 

You want to be used by Him as He sees fit…but what if the way He wants to use you is to display His faithfulness through a painful situation? 

Kara Tippetts certainly didn’t want to pass from this earth in her thirties, leaving behind four littles and a husband she dearly loved. Her family, I can guarantee you, didn’t want to be used by God in this particular way.

A good friend of mine lost her infant a little over a year ago. God has redeemed her pain in many ways, and I know he will continue to do so. But I bet my friend would tell you, she would have preferred it another way.

No one wants to be the face of cancer or infant loss or infertility or widowhood…

A few months ago, my husband and I were talking about why God has allowed us to have four miscarriages. Keith threw out his suggestion. He thinks it’s because God knew I would be open about them. God knew I would allow Him to use me to give a voice to others who weren’t ready to speak about their miscarriages.

Right after Keith said this, I blurted out without thinking, “I wish He would have used someone else.”

Have you been there?

Maybe you too have wished God didn’t trust you with so much. Maybe you too wish He would have chosen someone else to share about your particular heartache.

If I’m being completely honest, I hate being the face of recurrent miscarriage.

I don’t like being the person everyone thinks of when they think of miscarriage. If I could change this part of my story, I would. I would gladly allow God to use someone else in this ministry.

But the thing is, we can’t change our stories. They are a part of us, for better or for worse.

I am the miscarriage expert…by default…just as you might be an expert in a field  you never wished to enter.

As I’ve thought more about my outburst with Keith, this one question has been going around and around in my head: If I could have chosen between no miscarriages (and thus, no testimony) and four miscarriages with a testimony, what would I have picked?

If I could have controlled the situation:  

Would I have been willing to be used by the Lord…even if it hurt? 

Would I have said yes to the testimony…even when it came with pain? 

Or would I have rejected the testimony because I refused to go through the pain? 

The truth is, I don’t know what I would have done. If I had been able to control my future, I might have bypassed the testimony God gave me in favor of an easy life. I’d like to think I would have trusted Him anyway…but sometimes, especially during months like this one (National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month), I’m not so sure.

Let’s talk: when have you struggled with something like this?