I’m starting to notice a trend among parents. (Well, actually I’m noticing it among just about everyone.) We’re on our phones. A lot. Ever since I got my smart phone about 7 years ago, I’ve found myself carrying around my phone all day long….even when I’m not expecting an important phone call.
My guess is, you do the same thing.
Our phones are almost like appendages now. If they’re not on us, we feel naked. Lost.
I’m a stay-at-home mom, but if I’m completely honest with you, I’m not nearly as present with my kids as I should be. I might be with them in body….but I’m not with them. My mind is elsewhere. My eyes are elsewhere.
My eyes are on my phone. And I’m starting to wonder what this is saying to our kids.
When we can’t put down our phones to read them a story, what are they hearing?
When they see us spend more time with our online friends than playing cars with them, what is that telling them?
It scares me to say it, but I think it’s telling them they aren’t our priority.
I think it’s telling them -whether true or not- that we care more about our virtual friends than our families. That we’d rather spend time on our phones than with our kids.
My guess is, you know whether or not social media is a problem for you. But just in case you don’t, I wanted to help you figure it out.
You might be addicted to social media if…
1. Your smart phone is always on you.
You never leave home or do anything without it. You also never turn it off, so if you get a text, tweet, or phone call, you have to check it-regardless of what you’re doing.
2. You find yourself saying to your kids, “Just a second” or something similar while looking at your electronic device.
3. Your child brings your phone to you like he’s carrying your pride and joy.
4. You constantly think about when you’ll be able to check your phone.
When you’re not on it, you feel drawn to it, like it’s pulling you to it.
5. You feel validated by your online life.
When someone retweets you or comments on a photo, you feel satisfaction…satisfaction that you used to get from the people around you.
6. You can’t eat dinner without checking your phone.
7. When you go somewhere with your family, you’re so busy posting photos on Facebook that you miss what’s right in front of you.
8. You never go technology-free.
It doesn’t seem possible to go an entire day without being online.
9. You can’t sit at a stoplight without glancing down at your phone.
You also can’t wait at the doctor’s office without checking it. Every spare moment goes to your online activity.
10. You check your phone first thing in the morning-even before you hug your kids, read your Bible, or pray.
Unfortunately, social media is a new phenomenon. We’re the guinea pigs. We’re the first set of parents who really have to deal with it.
It will only be later on that we see how it affects our children. And to be honest, I’m worried.
If I’m struggling with appropriate social media boundaries, how am I going to teach my children how to handle technology?
*Hands Free Mama really brought this issue to my mind. I highly recommend you check out her site and books.
*This article was originally published in 2012 and has been updated here.
Pingback: Why Everyone Should Go Technology-Free Occasionally | Lindsey Bell: Faith and Family
It IS hard!! And I haven't been perfect on it either :/ But each day is a new day, right?!
Oh I know! Especially as a SAHM:)
I've considering taking a break from FB as well. It's so hard!! Thanks so much for commenting.
Oh yes!!! I have to say that God is putting this more and more in my path! So thank you for this post 🙂 All of your points could have been me, or are me, or etc. I've taken a break from FB myself, but found myself filling the time I used on FB with twitter, pinterest, blogs, etc. I REALLY know that God is calling me to lay aside social media more and more, and focus on my family. I'm not sure to the extent of the laying aside, but I know He'll guide me! I'm looking forward to reading more! God bless you!
I'm glad you're thinking about it now-before you're staying at home. I'm sure that'll help you be more aware of your time online. You're right about writing making it hard. It's about platform for me too, so some of it is necessary. Tough stuff….
Absolutely you can comment! Sorry for the sting 🙁 I know it's been weighing on me a ton lately.
There are days when I wish I still had my old phone, lol:) Certainly removes some of the draw!
Thanks so much for the encouragement. I LOVE your posts, BTW. I think it was "How to Miss a Childhood" that really challenged me.
Beautiful verse. Thanks for sharing, Cheri!
This is a struggle for me too. Technology often feels like a window into the "real world." So often I forget that these wild little ones are as real as it gets.
I've made the decision to never have a smartphone so I have *some* freedom from social media. The challenge for me is, I use Facebook/Twitter to build my platform as a writer, to network, to share my work, etc. So it's got a very practical dimension for me. But I am about to become a stay-at-home-dad (at the end of the month), and I just got a laptop so I can write from any room in the house (i.e. wherever my daughter is). This is something I definitely think about a lot. I want to be plugged into my family's life, and not just plugged into my online connections. A very real challenge! 🙂 Good thoughts!
Thankfully, I am shielded a bit from this because I don't have the internet (I know, right) at home, and still use a 2007 LG, so I don't have the constant draw. HOWEVER, my wife has an IPhone, and I readily admit I look forward to her coming home so I can check my facebook! Oh, and I am excited to see her and my 2 kids also.Thanks for sharing!
Good job. Let's get the word out!
ugh. I am not a mom (I guess I can still comment), but this one might sting a little more than I am comfortable admitting.Thanks for this.
Thank you for this open, honest, insightful, and very helpful post. Your 10 item list was extremely thorough, and I am sure it spoke volumes to many readers. I started with small changes each day to let go of distraction. However, I quickly found that setting aside my distractions to be FULLY present with my loved ones — even for 10-15 minutes — produced meaningful results. Now here I am 2 years later, and my highly distracted life is now a memory. I am so grateful that you courageously shared your own struggles and invited others to join you in making change. Thank you!
Thank you for this open, honest, insightful, and very helpful post. Your 10 item list was extremely thorough, and I am sure it spoke volumes to many readers. I started with small changes each day to let go of distraction. However, I quickly found that setting aside my distractions to be FULLY present with my loved ones — even for 10-15 minutes — produced meaningful results. Now here I am 2 years later, and my highly distracted life is now a memory. I am so grateful that you courageously shared your own struggles and invited others to join you in making change. Thank you!
Yeah, I love my smartphone, but at the same time, it makes it really hard to focus on what matters most! I like the idea of having set times for social media. In fact, that's exactly what I was going to suggest on my post next week! Great minds think alike, I guess:)
Excellent post. I felt the call of God to start my blog (and accompanying facebook account), but I definitely feel the pull to spend all my time online instead of focused on the here and now.One technique I have often used when I feel myself falling into addiction is to follow the advice of Isa 58:13 "If thou turn away thy foot from the sabbath, from doing thy pleasure on my holy day; and call the sabbath a delight, the holy of the LORD, honourable; and shalt honour him, not doing thine own ways, nor finding thine own pleasure, nor speaking thine own words:"It works!
Wonderful post, Lindsey! I've had the same thoughts! I used to feel envious of people with smartphones because they could go out and do life without missing anything online. But I'm no longer wanting one like I used to…for the reasons you stated! (In fact, I don't even have texting as part of my current plan!) However, at home, I have a desktop, a laptop, and a mini laptop. I'm staring at a screen a lot, whether it's reading, researching, writing, blogging, social media, or email! Noticing the need for change, so that I focus more on my kids AND my husband, I've been setting my alarm for 6AM and getting out of bed by 6:15 lately, so that I can have time to start my day with Bible, prayer, going through emails, and writing a blog post with a goal to be done by 8AM. Then I am working toward setting only certain times throughout the day to checking email/social media. Like around lunch time and before I start cooking supper. I just signed up to do "Hello Mornings" through inspiredtoaction.com. The next session starts Aug. 20th. They put ladies into accountability groups of no more than 15, with goals to get up early, have a quiet time, exercise, and plan your day! You can join us! Or regardless of that, I'd be happy to help hold each other accountable as a "backup"! I can email you my plan as soon as I get it ironed out here. (Still laying around recovering from surgery!)